Dating After Divorce: When To Start And How To Get Back Out There

You're finally ready to start dating again after your divorce. But where do you begin? How do you know when the time is right? Returning out there can feel overwhelming after so many years with the same person, but it’s also an opportunity to rediscover yourself.  Only you can decide when the time is right to start dating after a divorce. Some people are ready to date again soon after divorce. For others, it takes years. The most important part of dating after divorce is to enjoy yourself. Don't be afraid to try new activities or date different types of people. You never know who might turn out to be a great match, so keep an open mind and have a good time. 

Emotionally Preparing Yourself for Dating After Divorce

A study found that self-reflection speeds recovery after a breakup. Before dating again, reflect on the end of your marriage and how it makes you feel. Write a journal about your experiences or talk to others who have been through divorce. This can help you gain perspective and find closure. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Try a new hobby, take a class, or work out. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments each day. As your confidence grows, doubts about dating will fade.

The Rules Have Changed

You'll find the dating landscape looks quite different now. People connect on dating apps and websites more often than in person. Casual dating and hookups are common. Most singles connect with and find potential new partners through dating apps and websites. Rather than shying away from this new normal, embrace the technology and the opportunities it offers. Create engaging profiles on major dating platforms like Match, OkCupid, or Bumble. Choose recent photos that show your warm smile and full-body shots that show your style and physique. Be authentic in your profile descriptions. Once your profiles are up and running, have fun with them. Browse other singles in your area and send a few intro messages each week to people who spark your interest. 

Be Realistic With Yourself

Your first date may not lead to a second. Don’t take it personally if there’s no spark or chemistry. Be patient through the ups and downs. Remember that you’ve grown and changed since you were last single. Your interests, values and priorities may be different now.  Go in with an open and optimistic mindset. Don't compare new dates to your ex or look for replacements. Each person is unique. Also, don't rush to find "the one." Enjoy meeting new and interesting people. 

Introducing Your New Partner to Your Children

When you feel ready to introduce a new partner to your kids, take it slow. At first, have casual, low-pressure meetups, like going out for ice cream or mini golfing. Keep things light and fun, with no overnight visits at first. As the meetups progress and everyone is comfortable, you can start doing activities at home together, like making dinner, playing board games, or watching a movie. Look for signs your kids are warming up to your new partner before any long visits. When overnights do start, talk to your kids beforehand and address any concerns. Reassure them you're there for them, set ground rules together, and check in on them regularly at first. 

Enjoy the experience

Now that you've decided to start dating again, make sure you enjoy the experience. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or your date. Your first date may feel awkward, but that's normal after being out of the game for a while. Laugh it off, and don't be afraid to poke fun at the awkwardness - it will help break the ice. Even if you don't feel an instant spark or connection with your date, that's OK.  The important thing is just getting out there and giving it a shot.  

The dating world has changed, but your heart knows what it wants. I offer divorce therapy, where I equip you with tips to take small steps to dip your toes back in the dating pool, focusing first on you. Book a consultation today.