Anticipatory Grief: What Is It?

Most people understand the idea of grieving after a loss. Everyone handles it differently and works through the stages of grief at their own pace. Still, it’s just as important to recognize that anticipatory grief is equally genuine and relevant. 

Yes, you can experience grief even before a loss — if you know that you’re about to lose someone or something, but what is anticipatory grief, really, and what does it look like? More importantly, how can you cope with its effects before you experience loss? 

Why Does Anticipatory Grief Occur?

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew someone you cared about deeply was dying? Maybe you had to witness an aging parent’s health decline. Perhaps a spouse or close friend was diagnosed with incurable cancer, and they slowly started to struggle. 

It could have even been the slow decline of a beloved pet, reminding you each day that you would soon have to make an unforgettable trip to the vet to put them down.

The feelings of despair you felt during those times were likely anticipatory grief. It occurs when we know we’re about to lose something or someone we love, even though they’re not gone yet. 

This occurs because, as humans, we tend to think about the future a lot. We can create entire imaginative worlds in our minds. So, it’s often easy to come up with depictions of what life will look like after the loss. When you create that kind of reality for yourself, it’s as if the person or experience is already gone, so you start grieving immediately. 

Who Experiences Anticipatory Grief? 

Anyone can deal with this kind of grief, though people in situations where loss and death are more common could be more at risk. Families of military personnel, for example, might be more at risk if they know a loved one is walking into grave danger. 

Caregivers are also more likely to experience this kind of grief. They tend to see the slow decline of someone’s health before anyone else and care for that person until the end. So, they might start to grieve before the loss officially occurs. Caregivers are also grieving the fact that their lives have changed markedly.

Signs of Anticipatory Grief

In many ways, the signs and symptoms of anticipatory grief are the same as any other type of grief. You can experience frustration, anger, deep sadness, hopelessness, guilt, and even anxiety. 

However, you might also feel guilty for grieving already instead of living in the moment with your loved one. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that can change quickly, taking a toll on your mental well-being. 

What Can You Do? 

When you’re dealing with an imminent loss, you can’t just snap your fingers and stop grieving. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier for yourself. 

First, be as present as possible. Practice mindfulness and focus on making memories with your loved one while you can. Anticipatory grief causes many “what ifs” to occur. Try letting go of those and staying with the person you love in the here and now. 

Take care of yourself. Grief can affect your physical and mental health. You might start to feel so anxious or depressed that you ignore self-care, but it is essential for your overall well-being. Prioritize sleep. Stay active. Eat a healthy diet. Journal. Spend time with loved ones. These small actions can make a big difference in how you feel. 

Finally, if you’re struggling with anticipatory grief and you’re worried about how you might feel when you do experience a loss, reach out for professional help. Therapy for caregivers can make this kind of grief easier to process so you can cope in healthy, practical ways. Feel free to contact me for help with dealing with anticipatory grief today. 

If grief has become a struggle, please feel free to reach out for Grief Therapy. The many faces of grief can be confusing and difficult to navigate.