A New Observation About Negative Thoughts

There have been a lot of articles published recently about negative thoughts, the amount of anxiety they produce, and what to do with them. In my experience with clients there is one basic understanding that I believe is being missed in the conversation.

Negative thoughts often come from the core beliefs we hold about ourselves.

What is a core belief?

Core beliefs generally develop during childhood and become powerfully reinforced over our developmental years. Parents and power figures who hold powerful opinions hold us in patterns that we become aware of as we become adults and make decisions about our lives and futures. A core belief is a thought you hold about who you are as an individual and may tie closely with your culture and social circle. It may or may not be true.

How do you know if a negative thought is based on a core belief?

Perhaps you were told as a child that the neighbor’s opinions were more important than yours. Maybe your parents used the potential of other people’s opinions to drive your choices in what clothes you wore, what an acceptable hair color was, or even what car you should drive. Depending on your social circle, status may still be a driving force. How much do you want to allow the potential of someone else’s opinion drive your emotions and anxiety level?

“What will the neighbor’s think?” When a negative thought occurs that happens to be core belief, your mind will bring up more information around it to support it and next, you’ll allow your emotions to tumble down a path that results in anxiety/stress or sadness. If you bring that negative thought into the light and look at it as a belief that was taught to you it begins to lose its power.

How do you learn to observe a negative core belief?

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you give yourself the power to look at negative thoughts as potential core beliefs:

• Did someone teach me this thought? Is this person still significant in my life and how do I value their opinion now?

• What emotions am I feeling when I think this thought?

• Is this thought true?

• What’s the worst-case scenario if this thought is accurate and how likely is it?

• How do I see myself coping if the worst case happens?

• What would happen if I chose to stop believing this thought?

Observe how much your response to the thought has changed. Allow yourself to challenge this thought every time it repeats itself. Over time your core belief may shift, and your level of anxiety will shift with it.

I have always enjoyed the quote from Philip K. Dick: “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” Conversely, a core belief is the opposite. If you stop believing in it, it can go away!